Not a drummer boy, but maybe a singer/director?

I had several years of piano lessons.  I obviously didn't apply myself and now, like many others who had the opportunity, regret that I didn't keep going, and keep practicing.  I played the tuba for six years in Jr.High, and High School.  I didn't do the traditional college thing, and as a tuba is a rather expensive instrument, didn't have one to just pick up and play.  After years, I did start toying with it again, as I had a son and stepdaughter that played the tuba, so did several Tuba Christmases, and even acquired a helicon on Ebay (shipped from Lithuania).

I really didn't do any singing growing up.  I remember my mother and father singing in the Stake Choir for the dedication of the Independence Stake Center by President Spencer W. Kimball.  I don't remember really ever getting into singing until I went to Spain as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I had companions that played the piano, and I started to appreciate hymns.  It was a way to learn Spanish, plus, maybe I had a knack for music.  I even had to play the piano in one branch, as no one there did.  I one handed it, and occasionally added in the bass line.  My choral career as a missionary culminated in caroling in the city of Jaen with the Sister missionaries and the youth of the branch.

When I came home got involved in choir in my ward, and that was fun.  By the way, basses are NOT lazy tenors.

Then I was introduced to the Mormon Chorale.  I still remember that night, and being so timid about singing with so many great voices.  I knew I stood among giants, and yet they seemed to be okay with me singing with them.  I am glad, as ever since I have been extremely passionate about music, and church music in particular.  I desperately miss singing with the Chorale, and can't wait until I return on a permanent basis, if they will have me.

Now I am not only directing a ward choir, with a Christmas program next week, but am also singing with an extremely talented group, with an orchestra in a three night Christmas program.  When I hear those around me, I feel so completely inadequate.  I have a feeling that maybe I do have some talent for music, and maybe even an okay voice.  I also wonder at times if I have just buried that talent in the ground over the years.  What if I had sang out my whole life?  What if I had kept with the piano?

I sometimes feel overwhelmed with music, particularly when I am directing, or singing.  Words of songs matter to me.  When I direct, to me it is far more important for those singing to express through song their testimonies, rather than being technically correct.  Don't get me wrong, I want that too, but in the realm of sacred texts as song, it is the spirit that counts.  Singing in Messiah twice was a tremendous experience that I will never forget.  Not near perfect, but...

Having said all that.  I still accept nothing less than perfection from me, and I can't deliver it.  And because of that, I hear those around me, and the effort they are putting in and wonder if I belong, if I should even be part of this group.  All I can do is sing.  And sing with spirit, and hope that is acceptable to God, because at the end of the day, it is His praises I sing.

If only I had kept up the piano.

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