A Journey born of failure?

I thought long and hard about this post, as to whether or not it should even be done. In the end, it is obvious the choice I made.

I have embarked on a new journey. One that I have really been on several times in my life, as have millions of others. The path is one of weight loss. Of shedding who I am, for who I should be. I struggled on this path for a year and a half, thinking that anything would be better than the one that I ultimately chose. 

I have a friend who demonstrated great faith in God, and with the help of family and good coaching was able to see miraculous results. I wish that I had that kind of faith in myself to let God prevail so completely in me. But maybe I do, just a different path.

I have tried numerous diets, I even worked with a doctor once for six months, and while I was eating the prescribed food, I lost weight... to a point. At that point, I plateaued, and no matter how much exercise, no matter how little I ate, I was stuck, still categorized as morbidly obese. I would love to be at that weight now. Maybe soon.

I have tried hypnosis, therapy, but the problem was that I always knew what needed to be done. The one thing that I have kept up for these years is the walking. Every day, except Sunday, 3-4 miles, though at my current weight, it could not be done all at once. I had reached a point where I reconciled myself to eating to oblivion or doing something that would be appropriate consequences for a lifetime of bad choices.

I chose to go under the knife.

That was a hard choice for me, for it truly seemed like I had failed, that my faith was insufficient to work a miracle in my body. The burden was eased by insurance providing coverage if I managed all the hoops, which was easy. 

I wanted to hit on the faith piece for a moment. Lest anyone question where I stand. I have a firm belief in God, and that through God, all things are possible. My problem is that I was running out of time. My blood pressure which has always been low, has, in the last six months, started creeping up. Blood sugar, ditto. Getting older meant all the tools were no longer immediately at my disposal to play with the fiery carbo furnace. Knees and back no longer went with the flow.

My wife and I talked about this option. She has been so supportive. Remember how I said with God all things are possible? I have no doubt that God works miracles  through the medical profession, and has opened  the eyes of doctors to procedures and pathways, to accomplish the miracle of preserving life.

After two weeks of living on about 300 calories a day, all liquid, I had a gastric bypass done. not the sleeve, or the popular for a time lap band. I am in day 2 of recovery, and tomorrow, I get to start eating actual food, (yogurt, pureed cream soup). I will be out of my lifting restriction before camp, and likely many pounds lighter by then.

The weight did not go on in a day, and it will take a while for it to burn off. It is an enforcement of a new eating regime, pitting the one part of illness that I would do nearly anything to avoid (throwing up) against a desire to eat more than I should.

Feel free to judge me, or my faith if you want. It doesn't matter to me. I had complete peace making this decision when it finally came down to it.


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