Today, I will attempt to put down some of the things that have been going through my mind over several years.  Things that I struggle with on a day to day basis.  It probably isn't going to be pretty, and at the end of the writing, I may just hit delete.

This mostly has to do with what I have been told over the years, and where I see, and have seen myself.  When I say what I have been told, I am referring to from growing up, and as an adult both.  It is a spiritual journey, and it has been precipitated by lessons at Stake Conference, ( A gathering of several local congregations of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints), priesthood meetings in the ward (Priesthood is the authority of God given to man, a ward is a localized congregation of the church), and personal study.

Anyone still there?  So what started all of this is something that I had mentioned earlier, about being a recluse not compatible with being a disciple of Christ.  It started that way, but touched on feelings that I have had all my life.  The time in my youth will be set aside for another time.  I want to go back to being ordained a High Priest, and feelings after that.  I served as an assistant to the Group Leader, and was allowed to teach as my assignment.  I found great pleasure in that assignment, while feeling completely inadequate, as many in the class were way more experienced than I was, and felt the best approach was to facilitate the discussion rather than lecture.  I was also directing the music which I felt was the one place that I did make a difference.  All the while, I had no idea what was coming, and when I was included in the Bishopric, well, I knew that was so far above me, that all I could hope was to if not keep my head above water, then at least have a snorkel.  That pretty well described that time.  The question that I have, is how does a recluse serve? With much angst.  Where does that really show up?  In personal engagement i.e. home teaching, missionary contacts, you know.  That exploded when I was released and called as group leader.  Too much interaction required.  In group, that was one thing, one on one, not so much.

So now we are called to Hasten the Work.  My question, which I would love to hear about is this:  When I intentionally don't know anyone in Twin outside of my work or church, how do I change that?  I just can't deal with the feeling that I can't (won't for you technicals out there) keep up, or carry the load,  Of course I could just slide through and be happy with something less than the promise that God has given us...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Peering through the fog.

The opinion is my own, and in no way do I pretend to speak for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Church, to avoid lengthy repetition) Yesterday, November 5, the Salt Lake Tribune (a newspaper not know for sympathy to the church) reported on a change to Handbook 1, which access is limited to Stake Presidencies, and Bishoprics. Never mind that the change was reported through an excommunicated member that some how got access to the book, the PR spokesman for the church confirmed the change.   To sum it up, the church has defined same sex, or gay marriage, as apostasy, and as such, certain conditions are placed on the families, in particular the children.  Children of same sex marriages are not allowed to be named, blessed, or baptized as children.  And when they turn 18, to be baptized, they must not be living in the household, and must disavow the lifestyle.  They must also get permission from the First Presidency of the church.  The last...
Read more

a masterpiece

I received an invitation from a good friend to sing in a choir for an upcoming conference.  Of course, I am kind of a closet groupie for the director and her husband, and so the answer was easy.  But then it became irresistible. My favorite arrangement of my favorite hymn in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints' hymnal.  I missed the first rehearsal, but attended tonight, and will next week as well. I would probably walk over broken glass on top of burning coals to sing that song.  Okay, not really, but if memory serves, I think I have sang it in performances one season, my first with the Heartland of America Community Choir and Orchestra, in 2004.  Fourteen years.  Now, those who have had me as a choir director know that as we sang songs I would say this was my favorite, or that one was, but really there is only one favorite. (no don't cue the Highlander music).  Know what it is? The lyrics and music were written by a frequent duo in th...
Read more

December 7, 1941, a day that will live in Infamy. How will yours be? #LIGHTtheWORLD

Seventy Five years ago, the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, drawing the United States into World War II.  A war that literally spanned the globe.  Hundreds of millions of people with their lives directly impacted.  An attack that its architect knew would doom his homeland, and yet out of duty to country and to his Emperor, planned and executed it. This is very important to understand. While I know that it is extremely unlikely that the actions that I take will impact more than a handful of people, I have come to realize that it is those small interactions, replayed billions of times the world over every day, by billions of people, that make a lasting difference.  It doesn't matter whether we pay attention or not, the mere actions we take do ripple across the world. So much hatred in the world. So much fear.  So much anger.  It was these emotions that resulted in such destruction.  But what can I do?  What difference can I make? Right now...
Read more